i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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