So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I believe in your delicious
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
