We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
