Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
