Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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