Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
