Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize