We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
