You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
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