She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
