My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How does it feel to date your dad?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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