Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
