Capitaan dildo arrescate!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
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