Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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