ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
