My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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