so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
