Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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