I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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