we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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