I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
