I want to make a zoo with you.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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