Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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