why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
