we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
