i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
