don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
