I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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