I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
