I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
