Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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