i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
