His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
