Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
