I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
