At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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