thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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