I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
