Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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