Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
