So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
