Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
