You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
