my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
