I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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