I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
