I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
