Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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