thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
