Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
