you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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