you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize