you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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