I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
