There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
