the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
