Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
