My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
