guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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