Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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