she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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