There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
