You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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