my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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