if only i could text you this smell
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
