recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
