If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
