i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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