Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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