Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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