i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
