is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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