My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
