why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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