Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
