tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
