is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We're too hungover to prance.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
