How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
