so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
