so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We are all done wearing pants today
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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