420 ftw
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Randomize
