I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
