LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
