Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
