And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
