they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i love accidental penises.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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