He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
