We won't sleep together?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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