We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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