it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
