corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
