so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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