im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
oh god the rape fog is back!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
