well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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