More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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