Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
