Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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