So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
