Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
